Lesson 5 – Mastering integrity
In Lesson #4, you learned what it’s like to act on your joy. Make sure you have actually tried this out! Because for the continuation of this course it’s important that you actually put this into practice. Don’t cheat yourself out of it. Make sure you’ve actually prioritized your joy for the past two days!
We’re now going to add a balancing point to this: you may have noticed that in certain circumstances you’ve been really excited about something (or at least defined something as really exciting), but then the idea has come up, “But, what about my partner?” or “What about my boss, my job, my friends, my child, the agreements I’ve made with someone else?”
You have reached a point of not being sure what to do; you face a paradox. You want to honor your own integrity to your alignment, your resonance, and your excitement. You want to trust in your excitement—because isn’t that what Higher Self is communicating to you?
But then… What about integrity? What about respecting other people? What about honoring the agreements we have made?
This is definitely an important aspect of the journey. It is very valuable to appreciate and examine this—not just glance over or have the attitude “I’m going to do whatever I want because it feels good.” That’s not the idea, (although it is!).
But first, we need to clarify what it is that feels good: Does it feel good because of our true energetic resonance? Or does it feel good because we have defined something else as “negative” and feeling good seems like a relief from that negativity? This is a very important distinction.
Some things may seem really appealing to us, but it might be because they symbolize a certain type of freedom to us. We may not actually want to chase after the thing that represents this freedom; we may simply want to embody what that idea, that symbol of what chasing after that particular thing means to us. How does it mean freedom? How does it mean more of ourselves that we’re presently suppressing? And how can we integrate that into our lives?
Start recognizing the difference between when you are truly, truly, truly excited about something, truly on fire, truly aligning, and when you are simply defining something as offering relief from the thing you don’t want to deal with. For example, the definitions you’ve wrapped around your personal life might make drugs seem exciting because they feel good. That would not be what I mean when I say follow your excitement.
You have to be really honest with yourself and be able to distinguish more and more clearly between a true passion and a fun distraction. With practice, you will be able to, so don’t feel like you can make a mistake! Simply practice; when you bump into these challenges and examine them, you will refine your wisdom, your clarity, and your ability to distinguish between these two ways of feeling good.
One way is simply an escape, while true resonance excites you because you are actually meant to go in that direction. It feels complete and whole, and it might feel even a little bit scary because it is cutting edge for you; it challenges your belief system.
Untrue resonance is when something feels good because you are avoiding something else. You have placed negative beliefs upon something and therefore wish to avoid it. This is because, as soon as you encounter that thing in your life, what you really encounter is how far you have placed your own vibrational position, your point of view about that thing, out of alignment with the truth of abundance, freedom, and empowerment.
You may, for example, have created a sense of obligation and fear and stress around a certain object, or event, or a partner perhaps. You therefore don’t want to think about that; you would rather do drugs. (This is just an example; it could be anything—eat a cookie or go out and start a company. Even that can be a distraction.)
You have to be really aware of this process, and ask yourself, “Am I avoiding something?”
If so, then first look at the thing or event and see how you hold negative lack beliefs about it. What you feel is not the event—the event is not painful and stressful. Being out of alignment with yourself is what feels stressful.
You only ever feel the degree to which you position yourself in or out of alignment with your true self. You’ve never experienced an emotion, you’ve never experienced a circumstance. You only ever experience the degree to which you’ve removed yourself from yourself, or—with good feelings—the degree to which you’ve placed yourself back in alignment with your true self.
This is a side note to the main lesson, but it’s a crucial and important side note. You have to be honest with yourself, especially when it comes to decisions that are about to break or change your agreements or contracts with beings that are important to you in your life.
Now, we’ll look at the three fundamental rules to help you understand integrity.
When you start following your joy, you will come to this point—this crucial point—where it seems you have to make a choice between an existing agreement with your partner, your kids, your parents, your business associates, your boss, whatever it may be, and something that truly excites you, but that seems to somehow negate or avoid or counter or oppose your existing agreement. Then, when you’re really clear the new direction is truly what you want and that you have no place left in your existing agreement, how do you proceed? How do you balance that out? How do you include integrity?
The Three Fundamental Rules of Integrity
The first rule of integrity is: Everything in Existence can and does coexist.
See this as a universal principle. Know in your heart that all possible chosen realities can be coexistent, and will coexist, so there is no need to see Creation as having to fit into one singular reality.
Ultimately, yes, it is all one singular reality: all one single Being expressing itself in infinite ways. But it generates infinite parallel realities precisely because it wants to express itself in infinite ways. And it cannot express itself in infinite ways if it only creates one particular paradigm, or creation, or reality with one certain set of laws. It has to create infinite slices within its own one singular point of Beingness that then can coexist and express and explore completely different themes and desires and preferences.
So, the first rule of integrity is everything in Existence can and does coexist.
Note: These “rules’ will all become intuitive, by the way. For now, it’s just handy to start with some basic ideas or “rules” that you can fall back on if you’re in doubt—to gain some clarity from them and use them to sharpen your own intuition. At some point you won’t need to think about them anymore.
The second rule of integrity is: Respect another’s free will.
This is paramount. This is crucial.
This is crucial for me on a daily basis. In fact, the more evolved you become spiritually speaking or consciousness speaking, the finer that balance of love and wisdom becomes. The finer your spiritual journey, your vision, your clarity becomes, the more important it becomes to honor people’s free will.
It’s just one of these fundamental principles, sort of “first law” kind of ideas that apply throughout all of Creation and on all levels of consciousness. It’s crucial, therefore, that if you wish to align yourself even further, if you wish to expand even further, if you wish to fine-tune your balance and beingness even further, then respecting other people’s free will, or other beings’ free will, at some point becomes of paramount importance.
So, the second rule is to respect other people’s free will.
This also means you know in your heart that you are free to choose your reality, and that other portions of Creation, or other beings, are completely free to choose their reality.
Again, that’s the coexistence idea. You don’t have to feel you have to stay stuck in a particular reality that belongs to them, nor should you harbor the idea or feeling that other people should stay in your reality because that’s what your reality dictates.
It’s very important that you feel free to make your choices and see that other people are free to make their choices. You can inspire by example, but not impose or infringe upon their free will. You can offer what you know, you can offer what works for you, you can offer what excites you, but then it is up to them to either absorb that and take that on for themselves, or to move away from that. Either way, their choice needs to be respected. It’s very crucial.
The third rule of integrity is: There is no lack anywhere in Existence.
If you really, fully get this single principle, then very naturally you will act within integrity.
This is because we only act in ways that are out of integrity when we believe there’s something lacking—when we believe we lack something and therefore feel we need to get the thing we desire at the expense of what someone else desires. Another way to state this rule of integrity (that there is no lack anywhere in Existence), is to say that you don’t have to deprive anyone else of what they desire in order for you to be able to choose and create what you desire.
This is a very liberating principle; a conviction. Make it your own!
I’ll repeat: You don’t have to deprive anyone else of what they desire, in order for you to choose and create what you desire. Again, coexistence of realities means there is never any lack. Therefore you can be free to choose what you desire. Others can be free to choose what they desire, and those desires don’t ever have to conflict or be at war with each other. You don’t have to steal and deprive others because there are infinite parallel realities available.
Whatever you desire is somewhere for you in your own consciousness. It can be generated if you just tap into that frequency and start exuding it and start acting on your breadcrumb trail of joy and excitement. You will generate the reality you desire. You don’t have to rush in and steal it from someone else or deprive them of something they desire so that you can have what you desire.
So, that’s another fundamental principle of integrity in my experience and in my opinion.
Four Practical Steps towards Mastering Integrity in Everyday Life
In addition to those three “rules”—which are universal principles as I’ve experienced them—here are Four Steps to help you master integrity in your everyday life.
Step 1: Ask yourself the question, “What does following my joy while maintaining my integrity look like?”
This question allows us to become practical. What does it look like in everyday life when joy and integrity are balanced? And how do I do that? How do I actually approach that? To know some of these universal rules is fun, but how do I apply them? Simply ask yourself this first question whenever you are excited about something that you wonder may be in or out of alignment.
Check in with yourself to see if you are about to break any existing agreements. When the thing that excites you seems to—at least on the surface—contradict or move away from certain agreements you’ve made with people or businesses or contracts, ask yourself the question, “By choosing my excitement, am I breaking any existing agreements, promises or contracts?”
If not, go for it! Enjoy yourself, have fun—and you will feel 100% congruent about your choice. It will just feel exciting. You won’t be looking back at anyone or anything or having any regrets. Excellent!
Now, if it does break existing agreements and promises, then continue with Step 2.
Step 2: Communicate clearly, honestly, fearlessly, and in as kind a way as possible.
Find out to whom you need to communicate your change of heart before being able to comfortably take action on your new direction of excitement. And, if at all possible, proceed to communicate with them as clearly as you can.
If your excitement does seem to oppose something, does seem to break some existing agreements if you were to execute that excitement, you don’t want to move forward without communicating—because at some point you will pull yourself back. Integrity will force you back. You will be looking back, regretting your choices, and not feeling good about yourself.
You want your choices to be 100% in alignment. So, before you make any choices that you’re doubtful about, whether or not they break agreements, first try to communicate as clearly as you can. Try to clear the slate. Try to start clean, start fresh, and have your fundamental foundation be clear.
Communicate as clearly, as honestly, as fearlessly, and as kindly as you can to the parties involved in the agreement. Try to change the agreement by communicating that you’ve had a change of heart and that your resonance is really important for you. You wish to follow what excites you and you wish for them to follow what excites them, and right now you just feel really strongly that you wish to change direction.
If it is not in any way possible to communicate before taking the new action, search your heart for the most balanced decision, keeping in mind the three fundamental rules of integrity, then take it from there.
This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where sometimes you can’t really predict what the situation is going to be like, and you have to go with your intuition: You have to just go with the most clarity you can come up with in that moment and simply try your very best.
I’ve had many, many experiences of this, faced many, many paradoxes. I can honestly say that these experiences have greatly extended me in wisdom, integrity, and maturity. So don’t fear these “grey area” decisions and experiences, because they teach you to rely on your own intuition rather than the rules I gave you, for example.
Following both those rules and these steps will really test you and challenge you to stay true to your intuition. Just try your best to simultaneously maintain both integrity to your resonance and integrity with other beings and agreements you’ve made. Learn from what follows. Forgive yourself and or others where necessary. And fine-tune your balance in mastering the art of integrity.
To summarize Step 2: Communicate honestly, fearlessly, clearly, and in as kind a way possible. If you can’t communicate, then trust your instincts; trust your intuition. Do your very best and learn from the experience; forgive what needs to be forgiven and fine-tune this process.
Step 3: Know that it is ultimately okay to go your separate ways. It is not a bad thing.
Step 3 is practical. Many times people forget that separation is not as bad as it seems, and continue to stay stuck in a relationship, a contract, or a business.
You break free from things because the purpose of that thing no longer resonates for you. Once the purpose of a relationship has been transcended, has been extracted, why would you hold on to that empty container? You’ve got to be really honest with yourself and then trust that it is actually okay to move on and make a change.
If you have fulfilled Step 2 and have already communicated your change of heart as patiently, clearly, honestly, and kindly as possible, to all parties that will be affected by your new direction, you’ve honored the other person’s relationship with you. Then, what if the other party still refuses to work with your newfound resonance?
You have to search your heart again.
If the other party still does not honor the principle of resonance, both in themselves and in you, if they don’t wish to give you that freedom, then I say at this point, search your heart—again as I said in Step 2, which is, rely on yourself. Really, really search for the highest possible intuition and clarity you can have access to.
If you find there is a way to maintain your reasonable agreements, while simultaneously following your heart, go for that.
But if this combination of maintaining your reasonable agreements, while also honoring your own resonance seems impossible, if it is obvious you are meant to move on, regardless of other people’s feelings or the agreements you’ve made—then follow your heart and know that separation is only an illusion and not a real thing.
This is a last resort step. In my experience, it is hardly ever necessary if communication has been really honest, open, vulnerable, and clear. So, really emphasize Step 2, the communication part, first.
So, Step 3 is for when all else has failed, you are in the “grey zone,” and you must turn to your own heart. Do you want to stay in that agreement or do you really, really want to move on and trust that it will shift your reality? Ultimately, I would say, choose the latter, because you have to follow your excitement; it’s important.
You can postpone it for a little bit, for the sake of integrity, for the sake of aligning your whole being, so that you can go about your passion in a congruent, 100% committed way, and not have to look back and feel regret. But there is no sense in staying long-term in something that truly no longer fits you.
Trust that it is okay to go separate ways. The essence of your relationship to another can never be separate or lacking. Know this. The essence of your relationship, the energetics of it, the spirit-connection of your beings can never be separate. Only in a physical singular slice, out of All-That-Is, can it seem like things are lacking and missing, but it is not actually the case.
Respect the importance of one another’s journeys and the choices that have to be made to honor resonance. This goes both ways. You want what’s best for them and honor their free will, what’s important for them. And similarly, honor your own and expect that they honor that too. This mutual honoring should be implied in any type of relationship or contract, but oftentimes it’s not.
So Step 3 is practical. It says, “Don’t live your entire life suppressing your resonance for the sake of an agreement you once made. There is always a way to follow your heart while maintaining the highest degree of integrity.”
The creative third option
If it seems like it’s either A or B, ask for option C, the third, unseen option, right?
If it looks like the choices are: I either follow my excitement and break all my agreements and all my contracts and the hearts of everyone who’s been important in my life so far…OR I stay in my contracts with people who mean a lot to me and who I’ve been committed to, but I will be suppressing my joy and my higher self’s guidance, then, if anything, choose the joy part. If you have to make a choice, choose the joy part.
But try this first: Ask for the higher, third, more creative, out-of-the-box-thinking, unseen option. There is always a third option that allows you to maintain integrity—through communication usually—while dealing with and solving things and getting really clear with those existing agreements. You then can fully, congruently, go about and explore your new direction.
Step 4: Avoid making more static agreements in the future.
This is really just an additional tip. Avoid making static agreements in the future, because Time is speeding up, collectively and individually. You are empowering yourself. This means that on an everyday basis, more and more and more changes will occur. You cannot say who you will be the next day. It becomes harder and harder to determine who you’re going to be. So, I wouldn’t say “be careful,” but be more alert when you’re entering into new agreements. Realize that you can have a change of heart at any instant and will not remain the same person you are today. Consider that from now on when you’re making new agreements.
In future agreements that you do resonate with making, somehow insert this fine print—or not fine print, but a big title—that says, “This agreement is the case as long as it honors both of our journeys or both of our resonances.” Always include something in the communication with that person or business or contract that allows you the freedom to not have to break the agreement if you wish to change yourself and your path.
If you are making new, static, seemingly long-term agreements, include in the conversation that each person’s resonance should be paramount, that each person’s free will and journey should be appreciated and completely honored, in case at some point they don’t match up anymore.
This has to be in the contract. If it is not in the contract—if no negotiations on this point seem possible—then, don’t enter into the agreement. Unless you’re absolutely certain and completely excited about that long-term static contract, which does not seem to allow for any fine print in terms of following your resonance, then I would say, don’t do it.
Often, we enter into agreements that only partially resonate for us, because we think, “Well, it’s better than nothing,” or “At least I’ll get some payment,” or “At least I get some kind of relationship.” But, it has to resonate.
At the same time, don’t be too quick to say no. Explore what’s actually there for you. Explore what that agreement or relationship could become for you. Give it whatever you have in that moment to explore it. But, if it seems not to allow for the freedom you desire for yourself, then I would say, walk away from that agreement—because at this point, it’s no longer exciting. You’re about to enter into a jacket that’s already too tight to begin with, let alone two weeks from now, let alone two years from now, when you’re expanded even more.
If it already feels a little bit tight to enter that agreement or to sign that contract, don’t. You can attract something way better the next day or even the next hour or the next minute. You can walk away from that contract with a smile on your face, confident in the abundance, the endlessness of Existence, knowing that infinite parallel realities exist, and as soon as you shift your frequency, you will literally attract a different opportunity.
If you know that and you walk away from that agreement (which you thought was actually kind of awesome…except for this one thing that felt like a contraction), if you walk away with a smile on your face, absolutely confident that you can generate whatever you truly desire, then the very next day, or the very next minute, you will get a phone call with a new opportunity.
This is just a manner of speaking, but actually—literally, physically—this is what always happens. When you have faith in your journey and know you can create something that is a 100% reflection of who you are, then you don’t have to settle for something that is only partially resonant; you don’t have to settle for something that teases your lack beliefs, and makes you think, “Well, if I accept this agreement, which resonates 85%, then at least I’ll get payment; I’ll be able to buy my food and I’ll have some love.”
If it only partially resonates, you don’t need to accept that agreement. You really don’t. You really don’t. You can create something even better! Knowing that, be confident in the abundance of Existence. You will be in alignment, and that alignment will create the actual reality. Don’t be teased by your lack beliefs. There is no lack.
For this lesson’s homework, I would like you to continue the previous lesson’s homework, which is to prioritize your joy over your schedule, over anything that you would normally think you have to, or should, do.
Really start experimenting with rooting yourself in the most exciting options available to you, and start acting on these, making the most out of them and integrating them into your life. And now do that with the integration of your newfound knowledge and awareness of what it means to maintain integrity.
I know this lesson was a little jumbled, and perhaps a bit complicated. But it’s here for you to refer to, when you bump into these situations in your life. You can always read it through or listen to it again a couple of times and then test it out in the field of your life. Combining your own testing experiences with the guidelines in this lesson, you’ll be able to come to a really clear, intuitive, self-reliant way of maintaining your integrity while you absolutely act on your excitement every single day, with no concessions—except for maintaining your integrity, which is a perfect balance.
Remember, you want to be congruent in your new choice; you don’t want to have to look back. You don’t want to feel like a portion of you is left behind because you didn’t solve something properly, or you didn’t give it your best shot.
Enjoy the new balance. And I’ll see you in the next lesson, which will add another principle to this equation of prioritizing your joy and excitement.
Keep following that breadcrumb trail one moment at a time, with no expectation of where the next one may be—just one moment at a time, blind with passion, blind with love, blind with excitement.
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